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Saturday, April 14th, 2007
11:17 pm - Desi...
There's a girl I met about a month ago. She was extremely my type; LEGAL, plump but not fat with a macabre sense of humor. She had gorgeous blonde hair and was musically talented (she was the guitarist in an all-chick metal band with her sister). In fact, that's how we met. My band played a show with hers. I hadn't gotten to know her very well but, as I'm recently single, I really wanted to. She seemed exactly what the doctor ordered. I became pals with her sister as well. In fact we message each other on a daily basis. I was going to ask her sister out on a date at their next show. But then...

Today I found out that she died. I haven't found out why or how. Her sister wasn't really ready to talk about it, and I sure as hell wasn't about to push the issue. But I made sure she knew to call if she needed anything.

She was just 18 years old and on a solid track to fulfilling her dreams. I feel so horribly for her family. NOBODY should have to bury their child. What a tragedy.

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Monday, February 12th, 2007
11:35 am - Understanding
Sometimes I feel like nobody understands me. Like my friends, I know they care, but if you asked them what was going on in my head, they wouldn't have a clue.

My girlfriend, pft.... it seems like we're two strangers trying to figure each other out, but words just aren't doing the trick. It's strange how delusional we get in relationships about the wants and needs of the people we care for.

A relationship is NOT two people hurting each other again and again until they're permanently emotionally indebted to each other. Yes, we hurt the people we love. In fact, they're the ones we hurt the most. But in the end you only hurt yourself, and it's forgiveness and caring that move things forward. It only works if you forgive yourself too.

It's almost like she feels like she doesn't deserve to be with me, so she's just pushing and pushing until I break up with her so that she can say she was right. So she can have that victory... it's nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy. We're such different people.

I've kept myself in such disrepair here, being with her. It's so unhealthy for me. But I keep on going. Why am I so fucking stupid? I mean, I'm not trying to get down on myself, but I know this has been a decision that was bad for me, but I kept going with it. Maybe I wanted to prove myself wrong. For a long time it was amazing. It was fantastic and I couldn't have been happier. But she just holds herself down, and resents me instead of accepting me.

To quote one of my favorite bands, Nonpoint:

I'll take back what is left of what you've had; barely enough to keep me dead.

Tell me how to make some sense of the mess you left me with. You used up every
chance with me. To settle for you won't settle for me.

This need for more has me cold and shaky. No more waiting for a reaction face
when they hear about the trouble that started when you and i met. Let me
remind you I plan to get through with or without you.


My emotions unleashed:

I miss how you used to look up to me... I felt admired. Such a rare sensation for me. Instead, now I feel resentment. I feel the weight of your ego clawing at me, because you want to drag me down. Because I'm no fun. Because I enjoy silence and solitude. Because I'm a perfectionist. Because you're the only one I let inside, to see everything that's ugly inside of me. And for a time, you loved me. But now I think you just hold on for the sake of holding on, and you just want me to be the one to end it. I feel like you're going to drag this out, just twisting the knife deeper with every turn until you've bled me of all compassion and caring. And then when there's nothing left of me but a foul, bitter, broken person... that's when you'll be happy.

Does it make you happy to put me in this hell? Does that give you some kind of satisfaction? How do you think it would feel to have the person you love tell you that everything you are, everything you have been... that you yourself are like a poison to them? A constant reminder of failure and inadequacy? If you want to go, then just go. Just fucking go and don't bother coming back unless you can figure out how to put your delusions behind you because I'm really fucking sick of it.

If you love me, then LOVE ME and stop throwing this petty shit in the way. I don't understand it? Why is it so hard for you? Why do we feel so different? Why do we see everything so differently? Why is it always a contest with you?

Are you just testing how much shit I'll put up with? Because I've put up with so much. SO MUCH. And I don't hold it over your head like you think I do. I don't rub it in your face. Maybe I should. Fuck it! You seem to think I'm so perfect, like I'm not a person. As if I'm some kind of statue or robot, un-faultering, without needs and desires. A machine that works, eats and fucks and you're just along for a ride. That's not me! Why are you so blind to what I am?

I'm choc-full of mistakes, flaws, bad decisions and general stupidity. But it's like you don't see any of that. Even worse, what you DO see, you resent. You hold it against me that I'm smarter, quicker, and more successful than you are. Well guess what? I've had a few years extra on top of a very supportive upbringing to get there. And I'm sorry that your parents were shit to you, but that's not my fault. I've tried to be nothing but good to you, and you just keep kicking it back in my face. And I've tried to do nothing but support you, and drive you to succeed, and inspire you and help you, but you take it all the wrong way. I bought you a bass because I wanted to see you dig into something you love. I wanted to see you follow a passion, but instead you think I'm buying an insurance policy to keep you around.

I can't just keep eating this. I can't take it over and over again. I am going to break because you're so intent on getting me there. I feel like you're so fucking determined to push me to the end of my rope so you can rub it in my face when I snap. That's how I feel. And I'm fighting so hard to keep you from having that satisfaction, because I want to show you how real love is... it forgives, and it moves forward... together in happiness.

And I'm sorry I don't understand like I should. I'm sorry I'm not the same as you. I'm sorry that I don't like the same things you do. You just need to tell me when things are important to you, because obviously I don't seem to know... I just don't know anymore. I don't understand how you can be jealous of something you're a part of. Because you're so much to me, whether you care to admit it or not.

When you come back from Chicago, if things aren't different, it's over. Don't take it as a threat. If you'd rather not even try, then I'll let that be your decision. I know you won't do that, because you don't make decisions. You just push my buttons until I do it for you.

John Mayer - Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin breath of
this love we've been workin on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
so I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled too many false alarms

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

I was the one you always dreamed of
you were the one i tried to draw
how dare you say it's nothin to me
baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I make the most of all the sadness
you'll be a bitch because you can
you try to hit me just to hurt me
so you leave me feelin dirty cuz you can't understand

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you
my dear, we're slow dancin in a burnin room
burnin room, burnin room
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
1:04 am - Tarktones
On a side note, I finally got around to updating Tarktones.com so you should check it out and show it to all your friends.

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12:42 am - Oy... it's been a long time. So here's an emo blog for you.
I moved back in with my mother after having been out of work for a while and selling things in order to pay my rent to Cole.

This was officially the worst mistake ever. I regret ever letting that bitch convince me there would be any benefit to this. I'd have been better off not being able to afford gas and selling a guitar for a bus pass so I could get to and from work.

Every single day there is this bullshit to deal with and I'm sick of it. I really am. I'm getting no real break on rent like I was promised. So I ended up paying money to Cole to settle things there because I am a nice guy, and I am paying almost as much in rent as I was to him. So I ended up paying rent on two places, yet I'm only living in one. The free food would be nice except there's not much of it. Most of my food needs are met by the cafeteria at work. What's not provided often times comes with the treachery of dining with my mother.

Every conversation is like an easter basket full of sarcastic commentary on my life and decisions and reminders of why I feel like a failure wrapped up in shiny foil made of passive-agressive bullshit from an aging woman desperate for someone to throw her emotional weight around on. It is very much a loathing that I feel sinking inside me and it's completely indistinguishable if it's directed outward or inward.

I used to want to leave. Just walk away from my life completely. But no, I don't want that. I just want to be happy with my life. Is it so bad to want to wake up each day and feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel? Because each day goes by and I feel like this emotional baggage I've created for myself is just holding me down and giving me every assurance that I'll never reach that end.

I know that 1: I am responsible for my situation and that I can fix it, 2: most of this is all just irrational babble in my head which is loosely based on a slightly rough but ultimately insignificant portion of my life.

Maybe I should be seeing a shrink. Outside perspective is good, and I'm generally quite receptive to it. Even when I really need the support, I get comments that really sting (not that I should even ALLOW it to bother me, but it does). For example, I am plotting to get the hell out of here and move in with my best friend John. We're discussing the logistics of what we can afford and when we can afford it. I get a call and someone asks me what I'm doing, so I tell her I'm talking with John about moving out and I get the response "Why don't you stop just talking about it and actually do it?"

I've gotten two paychecks. And with my situation as it was, both are completely gone, with nothing saved over because I've been hit with shit that I was NOT expecting. Even so, I know I'll come out of this okay. I just have to not spend anything outside of what is absolutely necessary. Even with that, I'm going to have to take time off from work this weekend to get We Are They in the can. I hate this last minute rush stuff. I don't know how it's going to affect my overtime that I've put in so far this week.

I guess I'll do what I can to help out the rest of the week. So if I work with you, I'll probably be sick on Friday and Sunday. If nothing else, I can guarantee I'll be feeling like shit while not there. That counts as sick, right? I hate flaking out on work. But I've got to get this done.

Okay, I'm done with this emotional psycho-babble bullshit. I wish I found substance abuse more appealing, yet somehow it really isn't. Otherwise I'd be swimming in something that fucks you up real good.

current mood: depressed

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Friday, July 7th, 2006
12:16 pm - C'mon, show some love.
Hey everybody! You need to come out and join me this weekend and show some love for We Are They (and me by proxy). This is pretty much a CD release party and they're going to rock all 10 songs from the album and maybe even some new material.

Hosted By:
We Are They

When:
Sunday Jul 09, 2006 @ 6:30 PM

Where:
Brickhouse
1 E. Jackson
Phoenix, AZ 85004

They have tickets available now for the show this Sunday. Contact any band member or just message them and they'll get the tickets to you. There will be five other bands there as well, so the show is really going to rock! It is only $8 in advance, $10 at the door! Anyone who buys 5 tickets in advance gets a free CD.

Check 'em out or get in touch with the band or their manager at Official WAT MySpace or the We Are They Website. Show some love because this was a labor of love. So come out, have a good time, buy a CD, and if you're a cute girl you can hang all over me, k?

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Saturday, July 1st, 2006
3:09 am - Misogynist much?
So, I'm slowly but surely growing to hate females more and more. I don't know if it's just that I'm becomming more of a self-serving bastard (because that's surely the case in some ways), but I just keep finding myself more and more disinterested in getting personally involved with girls.

My views on things really have changed lately. I no longer desire to be married any time in the forseeable future. I no longer want to have kids in the forseeable future. I don't even want to have a girlfriend move in with me! I just want to live all alone. And when there's something that I don't like I'll change it. Nobody to run it past, nobody to give their opinion on it; no. Fuck 'em all.

Sex is a stupid reason to be involved with someone. Love is a stupid reason as well. You know how you think you're in love now, and you thought you were in love when you were 15? Think of how different things were to you then. That's how your dumb ass is going to look at yourself when you're 30. Sure, it CAN work. But why? Live your life and go for your goals! Don't get bogged down in somebody else's troubles.

I'm making no sense. I suppose I should back up.

I've made a decision to worry about myself from now on. Not to worry about girls or other distractions. I'm planning for my future and taking steps and making sacrifices to get me to where I want to be in life. Anything that isn't in that picture I am not letting in. No girlfriends, no kids, no marriage, no 'lets move in together'... No. I'm going to live my life for ME because nobody else is going to live it for me.

I'm so tired of wasting my emotional energy in bad investments. You put part of yourself into someone else and they chew it up and spit it out. Part of me even wants to sink to that level, but there's no need to degrade myself just because there are a lot of women out there spreading a bad reputation.

I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of failure. I'm tired of my life and some things need to change.

I've been out of work for about 6 weeks. I just finished my first week at the new job. In the meantime I had to sell a bunch of gear. Not happy about it. In fact, I'm in the red right now because I decided to honor my word and stay the 3rd month with Cole and Max (my roommates) even though I never signed a contract and could have moved back home for free. I've decided my word only has value if I back it up. I am in complete control of who I am and what I create.

Along with this and a few negative experiences is this bubbling misogyny inside of me. I know, not all girls are attention-seeking gold digging whores. But a lot are as well. And frankly I'm tired of gambling at that table. I'm going to put my resources into something where I can feel productive and proud of myself. I'll come back to this table when the time is right. Until then, I'm really not interested in relationships. It's a distraction. Fuck it.

Alright... I'm done here. I'm alive. Working for a great company now; I've finally got a good job with good pay and excellent benefits. I'm going to succeed.

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Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
9:01 pm - No motivation to update
There's so much shit going on, I really don't have the time to be an LJ whore like I used to be. lol

So lets see... the vacations were a hit. Sevendust is the coolest bunch of guys ever. I went to an afterparty after the show in Hollywood and hung out with the guys from Nonpoint, Sevendust, and Seven, the drummer from Opiate for the Masses. Eddie Van Halen was there. He was an asshole. Oh well. I met a beautiful girl named Sandy and we traded emails/myspaces. T'was good.

I'm making an album for We Are They right now. Here's a 30 sec clip of a rough mix for your listening enjoyment. I think it's the best sounding thing I've made to date.

In other news, pending some good luck, I might be able to quit my job soon!!! My classmate Jake from the Conservatory let me know that Herberger Theatre is hiring a sound man for their stage west. It pays actually a little more than my current job, and is through the City of Phoenix so I'm sure it's got some good benefits. And did I mention it's a day job doing something I love?

So I'm hopeful. Wish me luck. Aside from that, I'm busy with work, We Are They, and spending money on gear. x.x

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Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006
2:49 pm - Fuckin' shit..... :(
I dunno what the fuck is up with this bullshit.

I planned this vacation out months ago and it seems to have all gone to hell. Dora's got some junk going on, my job fucked up with my time off so now I'm in trouble there, and to top all that shit off, last night we drove 2 hours to go see Buckethead only to find out that despite the lack of a disclaimer ANYWHERE on the fucking website that the show was, in fact, 21 and over.

So that was a wasted drive. And her other friends there that we were gonna party with instead didn't call. So we were pretty pissed about that.

I mean, fuckleberries. I'm still glad that I came because it was really good to get to hang out with Dora. I got to meet her awesome friends and we went to San Fran and had a good time. But we both got hit with a bunch of crap that threw us into a slump. :(

Anyway, yeah... I'm tired. I want to go home. I want to see Buckethead and get buzzed and get a blowjob. Is that so much to ask for in life? Okay, so the first two I can do. I'm still bummed because Dora was so excited to see him. That was our big 'other shit sucks but at least we have this' event. Instead we ate greasy Carrow's food that made weird noises come from my stomach the rest of the night.

I want to go home. I want to quit my job. I want to make enough money as an engineer to support myself. I want a massage. I want to win the lotto. I feel like a loser.

I do believe that I might have a car now. A '91 Ford Escort wagon with only 14,000 miles on it. AC is non-functional, but I've got a few months to get that taken care of. Then again, I may not. We'll see. *news flash* I DO have the car. My insurance cost has been cut in half. Yay!

Why does my work have to fuck me over after all the hours I've put in there? Fuck me in the goat ass. I want to make We Are They's album. Like... now. I want to relax at home. I want to sit in my shitty computer chair and edit audio. I want to delude myself into dreams of a successful future and lose myself in some music. What a fucking emo entry. Oh well. Ta da. It's over. I'm going home soon. I can't wait for Dora to come visit AZ though. Tucson here we come!

current mood: disappointed

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Thursday, February 16th, 2006
1:48 pm - Services now available
Ladies and gents, the new gear is in. So at this point, I'm fully operational.

Tarktones Audio

I've got the new mix engine and some new plugins. While I still have a few more pieces of software I want to add to my arsenal, at this point I'm fully capable to tackle pretty much any mix or mastering project. These new SSL plugins from Waves are just sick.

Since I'm a nobody my rates are pretty low and for long distance customers, I have an FTP server that I can give you a login for so you can upload your raw files to me. Rates are flexible and turnaround is pretty quick.

I'm also more than happy to work up some mastering samples for anyone interested in seeing what I might be able to do for their music.

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Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
9:14 am - Rawr
So I bought my new computer. It IS the shit. I bought new plugins. They ARE the shit. I want new mics and preamps. They WILL BE the shit. I am going on vacation. That IS GOING TO BE the shit. I need to make more money.

I made a new website. So you should check out the brand new and very improved Tarktones.com.

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Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
2:02 pm - Letter to Ticketmaster
I really, REALLY hate bullshit. And companies that bullshit. You see, if you've tried to go to a concert outside the local music scene, you're probably familiar with a form of bullshit perpetrated by companies like Ticketmaster and other concert promoters who add absurd fees onto the cost of tickets while still advertising the base price for the ticket. Granted, everyone has to take a cut, but the way they do it is so sly that you're in the middle of buying your tickets when you see that there are extra numbers being added to your cost.

Having no other means of buying a ticket for a concert a month away in Hollywood, I, like most other patrons, bit the bullet and grumbled while they raped my wallet. However, being someone who doesn't accept this and just move on, I decided to send their customer service people a letter to express my dis-satisfaction with their service and practices. So here it is:

I would like to know what the justification is for the ridiculous "convenience charge" I am forced to pay if I want to see a show? I understand the need for a business such as yourself to make a profit, but generally that's just done in the form of a blatant markup; not an underhanded fee exceeding 50% of the advertised cost.

I just purchased a $21 ticket to see Sevendust in Hollywood, and yet I'm paying $34.75 for it. Why is that? If you want to sell the tickets for $34.75, then just sell them for that! I have had experiences where I've purchased tickets in cash at the venue box office the night of the show and STILL get charged a convenience fee. I fail to see how this is ANY convenience to me.

On top of that, to add an order processing fee and a facilities charge, it's a scam and obvious to myself and all your customers that you are not interested in fair marketing practices or customer satisfaction in the slightest. Being forced to buy a ticket from your company makes me furious. I'm a musician and an audio engineer myself; I refuse to steal art because I believe in paying to support the music you enjoy and also to support the industries that bring it to you. But who would buy a CD that was advertised at $12 but then charged $1.50 stocking fee plus $0.75 manufacturing fee and a $6 convenience charge? That's right, somebody with no other choice.

When the customer can purchase two of the band's albums for the price of 1 general admission ticket, there is a problem.

You are a vile and smug company only kept alive by the fact that your patrons have no other recourse outside not attending or sneaking into a show. I know this letter won't make a shred of difference, nor would a million of them from customers all across the country. Because you do not care about your customers and that is what makes you a terrible merchant. I hope more artists raise hell for you ala Pearl Jam, and I will shout with excitement if/when your company either goes under (I doubt) or changes its practices to advertise the final price up front (slightly more plausible).

Subsequently, please remove me from your mailing list.

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9:45 am - BONSAI KITTEN!!!
Okay, this is to all the people STILL perpetuating the "Bonsai Kitten" petition.

Stop your (less than) half-assed moral crusade and use your brain for a minute! Extraordinary claims must be backed with extraordinary evidence. There is an under-whealming amount of evidence to support the claim that someone is stuffing kittens into jars. Just asking a few questions of yourself would lead you to the conclusion that this is, in fact, a hoax.

For one, who would want a kitten stuffed in a jar? Look at the "moral outcry" this hoax has generated! It's clearly animal abuse, so who in our culture (including New York, one of our biggest cities yet allegedly an epicenter of BK-mania) would want to have one in their home to mortify all their guests?

The site says it's preserving an ancient art, but I'm pretty sure I've never read or heard about that particular practice before. Seeing as how no other site on the internet has any mention of it (outside of citing Bonsai Kitten itself), I'm pretty convinced that folks behind BK are the only people on the planet to have had knowledge of this before the website's creation.

If this website is selling these kittens, how do you buy one? Because you sure as hell can't do it from the website. There's a number at the top (probably registered to a VoIP account that they record for shits and giggles when bored) which rings and rings and rings (yes, I did call it). Not to mention the fact that any site actually selling something would show a picture of the finished product. Bonsai Kitten does not. Just pictures of faces being pushed against glass for a photo.

If you want, they do sell specialized supplies to help you make your own Bonsai Kitten like these highly specialized tools (i.e. a shoe-horn with testicles and a large noodle spoon):



If you still think that this is real, you can refer to outside sources. Even doing a google search for Bonsai Kitten will show you that of the first 7 results, with BK itself listed as 1, 6 of them are all detailing various investigations and debunkings of the site as a hoax by M.I.T. students. When your crusade is posted on the very reputable Snopes.com as a joke or listed in the 'pranks' pages of the Museum of Hoaxes, you can be pretty sure it's fake.

And if you're STILL not convinced, here's a shitload of links and information and related news stories on Bonsai Kitten from Cruel.com

Hopefully you'll use a few brain cells before you all spam my bulletins page or my inbox again. In fact, bookmark Snopes right now.

Have a day.

P.S. I forgot to mention my FAVORITE de-bunkery of ALL internet petitions.  NOBODY FUCKING CARES ABOUT INTERNET PETITIONS!!!!!!!!!!  Nobody is monitoring them, and getting X amount of signatures won't help unless there is a legitimate legislative body the petition will be presented to, and in which case is subject to verification (meaning you would have to provide CONTACT information, not just your name).  You could sign that petition 10,000 times a "Dr. Ass-O" or just fake a bunch of names and nobody would be the wiser.  If the organization (generally it's an actual organization petitioning, not some random dumbass on the web) is looking for your signature you'll have to put in a phone number and address as well.  In short: you're gullible for believing it and dumb for spamming me with it.

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Monday, January 9th, 2006
10:04 am - It puts the lotion on its skin
Blargh. I'm going to die. Well, not really. But I'm certainly inviting trouble for myself. Not so much trouble as much as exhaustion. I worked about 11 hours of overtime last week and I signed up for about 18 or 19 this week. Needless to say, the paychecks are grand, but hopefully in my exhaustion from all the extra work and stress I'll retain the mental capacity to not waste the added income and put it to what I've designated to should go to.

It's truly a cold day in hell. Even with all my love for Apple Computers and the Mac OS I still can't justify the extra cost right now in creating a new DAW system for myself on the Mac platform. For the cost of a refurbed G5 that was top of the line 6 months ago with NO upgraded features and no monitor I could build an ABSOLUTE top of the line screaming fast, loaded with features PC.

Since I'm such a dork, here's the comparison. For $2500 I can either get:

Apple G5 dual 2.7GHz (refurbished)
512 MB of PC2 4200 RAM
250 GB SATA hard drive
3 PCI slots
Gigabit ethernet port
Housed in standard Alumanim G5 tower
3 year warranty

Or I can get...

Intel Pentium D Dual Core 3.0GHz
2 GB of PC2 6400 RAM
300 GB SATA system drive
Dual 74 GB Raptor 10,000 RPM SATA drives in RAID 0 for audio
SIIG PCIE firewire card (digidesign approved)
3 empty PCI slots
Dual flat panel displays
Dual Gigabit ethernet ports
Housed in a 4space rackmounted case

With THAT much difference in systems... it's undeniable. PLUS, the PCI cards that I want to add in later for more processing power don't work well with the chipset on that G5 model. And on the G5 unless I want to put in a PCI card I'm stuck using the built in firewire, which on my iMac I often get errors that the firewire bus couldn't keep up. So, yeah.... I'm building a PC. It's gonna be a MONSTER. I'm excited about it. I can't wait to mix it, and it'll be housed conveniently in my rack. Plus I found some cool aftermarket Macs at good prices, so I'll probably keep one around for my own personal use and just use the PC for the audio. That computer is going to be insane.

My face has been kinda dry. Somebody gave me lotion. It smells like vanilla. So now I want to eat my face.

Only 48 more work hours to go before my week is over... then I work 2 more days past that. Come next monday, I'll have worked 25 of the past 26 days. Fuck I can't wait to vacation. x.x

Not to mention that I need to get laid. Ladies? Eh? Eh? U_U

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Thursday, January 5th, 2006
6:39 am - Fate has dealt me a swift kick in the nuts
Son of a bitch.

That's all I can really say right now. Just... son of a bitch. The Jeep was stolen. My dad's Jeep, the one that was supposed to become mine in just about 2 weeks; it's gone. Hopefully either the police find it or my dad's insurance will compensate reasonably for it. The Red Scare sucks balls and I was really looking forward to having something decent to drive. But nooooo, now I'm probably stuck with the Red Scare. *sigh*

On top of that my dog Tucker almost fell into a storm drain this morning. My mom took him for a walk and when he stepped off the sidewalk, he fell in. If she hadn't been holding the leash he'd have gone completely down there. The poor puppy is all shook up.

Probably the most annoying thing that has happened in the past few days is that Bree has gotten in touch with me; as if I give a flying fuck about her or that genetic turd she's carrying in her rotten womb. Congratulations, you're going to soil the earth with another moron (nothing against the child but being raised by a petty bitch like her, anything is liable to be stupid and immature in the end).

Jesus fuck, what is happening in the world? Dave's car, the Jeep,... I need a fucking vacation. I've got 7 more weeks. x.x But then again, late Feb is going to be more awesome than words. Also, my plugins showed up and I'm beyond tickled with them. I've only toyed with one of them; the most important one. I remastered Tell Me. The original has stem mixes added in to fatten it up, along with lots of stages of compression and about 20 hours of tweaking and checking for translation on different systems, but using Ozone 3 I remastered it using just the stereo track (the way you normally master) and I did it in about 20 minutes. It's a WORLD of difference.

I'm excited about that. I really want a new computer. I can only run 1 instantiation of Ozone 3 on a stereo track using all the modules. If I do that, my system can make it. If I added different tracks or tried to dither down in the same pass, it'll give me the finger. There are good deals on refurbed Macs... maybe that would be a better route for me?

I hope Fowler really does go ahead with this studio thing. I know we could do a lot of good shit. Really good shit. I just hope he doesn't back down. Because I LOVE making, recording and mixing music. I know Robert does too. It'll be a good time.

Work is going alright. I'm much more motivated when I am getting fat paychecks. Working OT brings in the goods. I think I'm going to see about doing it as often as possible. Because my vacation is going to cut into any other jobs I get in the meantime, I may just wait until March to pick up a second one. I'm tired though. I want need to give myself time to rest. I'm not sleeping enough. Not at all. I need to make sure I don't run myself into the ground. Well, I have 2 more days to work after this... maybe I'll take early release on Sunday to treat myself? Maybe I'll just wait until Monday? Bah... no. I need the money. Fuck it. I can stick it out.

I'm doing alright. A little confused, but so far I'm doing okay. I need a massage. Later, kids.

current mood: tired

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Sunday, January 1st, 2006
12:44 pm - Vengence
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

There's a fucker at my job who is a real dickhead. He's an asshole to his co-workers and a real asshole to all the customers. He's rude and forces everyone to listen to his shitty shitty music by plugging his flash MP3 player into speakers so we can all enjoy a 4 hour playlist of Savage Garden. This is the same fucker who also had my good friend John fired and accused me of cheating and helping John cheat on the training exams.

This fucker had a very nice lady on a Mac Powerbook with a wireless issue on a pretty old unit from us. He was on the phone with her for a good 15 minutes and was really rude and an ass to her. Then we have this policy where you're supposed to get their email address so the company can send them a survery to rate us. She REQUESTED a survey because he was a jerk and he said that he couldn't because they were sent out randomly and he put in a dummy email address ("refused@" and then the company domain name). And we're being accused by our partner of manipulating those scores by not sending them to all eligable customers and saying that we put in the refused address on customers we'd thought would give a bad score.

She specifically asked for one and he refused to take her email and put in the dummy instead. Now this lady was patient, nice, and didn't have anything majorly wrong. In fact, it was OUR product that was fucking up. There was no need to be rude to her, but she was pretty pissed about the way he treated her. And the fact that he accused me and had John fired, well... I couldn't resist. So I reported it to my supervisor. It's a zero tolerance offense. He'll probably be fired the next day he comes to work.

Fuck you, Nathan. Fuck you. I got your back, John. :)

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8:45 am - Lamest New Years in the history of me.
For reals. I hung out with Cassie last night. And that was fun because she's pretty funny and has interesting/fucked up stories. I was nice and bought alcohol for her friends. I thought I was just going to help her run an errand, but I was kidnapped instead. I was taken to PV and it kinda blew the original plan, and my phone died (and I was in HER car so I didn't have my charger). So yeah, Angie I'm sorry. In any event it was fun hanging out with them, but the amount of weed in that one dude's apartment was fuckin' astounding. Glad I'm not into that.

So yeah, I slept through the midnight change. When I got home I was just too tired. I thought about going to Toby's party, but... I was too tired and I'd have to get directions from a drunk Toby over the phone and trying to get usable directions out of a SOBER Toby is hard enough. I came home and passed out.

I'm going to burn myself out at work this week. At this point, I'm scheduled for 56 hours. I am putting in for another 8 though. That's right; 64 hours. Estimated paycheck = $625. I would pee my pants with happiness. Of course that would mean working 12 days straight, but at least the shifts on my day off are afternoon/evening shifts so I'd get to sleep in those mornings. According to the Duty Desk that is too many days to work in a row and the request will probably be denied but oh well. I'll try anyway. To quote the most annoying girl I've ever met, "I sure could use the money!"

A blowjob for New Years would have been swell, but no such luck.

I bought new audio software. Izotope's bundle should arrive here in 2 days (it's taking 5 days even though I did 2nd day air... fuck you very much, UPS). Apparently Fowler got the money from the house. So we'll see if he's gonna Jew out or actually shell out for the studio. If he pulls less than $15,000 for this, I'm gonna scream.

OMFG! I just found out! I GET HOLIDAY PAY FOR TODAY TOO!!! So I WILL have a $600 pay check next week, on top of the probably $480 I'll get for this past week. Shazammo! Big money big money! Of course, it's ALL going to bills and savings. My personal spending is over. I had my holiday money, I got my monitors and my plugins as well as a bunch of CDs. So, I'm happy.

Well, I've been at work for 2 1/2 hours and only had to take 1 call so far. Today is the shit!

current mood: happy

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Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:08 pm - SHIT YEAH!
So I'm at work, which is gay. BUT! Yesterday was a GREAT day off. Well, Tuesday night I got to jam and hang out with my pals and my step brothers. Then after that I went and hung out with Sydney and her friend Cassie at a pool hall. I actually didn't shoot any pool, but the conversation and story telling were superb. Syd and I went and got some food after that and had a grand old time. We cleared up some stuff that I'm going to assume is why she was always a tad unreceptive to me. Anywhoo, yesterday I asked her out since I had so much fun with her. But she politely declined. Oh well, she's still hella fun to hang out with.

Anyway, on to the super awesomeness! So I got some money from my mom for Christmas and decided I was gonna spend it on some audio software and new headphones (studio headphones, that is). Well the software turned out to be not only in a bundle which saved me money, but also that bundle was now part of a 24 hour sale. Then when I went to Bookman's to sell off my anime, they had a set of reference monitors (studio speakers) there used, so instead of getting $3.65 in cash, I took the $120 in trade value and only had to cough up $40 for the speakers. Now I have some monitors instead of just the shitty headphones I was using.

I also got a $50 gift card to Best Buy from Will & Eric's grandma since now I'm a part of their family, which I though was WAY over the top. So I totally owe her a really nice thank you card. So I went there and got some new headphones for my iPod as well as a few CDs. Then I went to get my plugin software and I was excited that they had it in a bundle because that saves me $160 right there. But not only that, it was part of a 24 hour sale so I got it an extra $30 off too!

I can't wait for my plugins. It's gonna be the shit. Anyway, I'm out. Later, kids.

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Sunday, December 25th, 2005
6:23 am - That crazy bitch called back
That crazy lady from yesterday called back again. hahaha Only this time she was even crazier. Here's some more of the case notes. There was also another call where she insisted on speaking to a woman and said she'd call back until she got one followed by some dead air calls. Fuckin' loonatics.

cu told me that she wants her emaill address all in caps and "that if I can''t do it she''ll find someone who can" and that "i don''t know the power she wields because she is the Prime Creator"
I asked her what the prime creator is?
she said "if i didn't know i didn't have the power to help"
and that I should "watch the real news"
checked for generic un and pw
entered in correct un and pw in hpl> no ppp login error
tried again
invalid un or pw> had cu fix her un>
same error
reset

gave cu to my sup *name removed* becuase she was increasingly verbally abusive
she called me "Lucifer" and told me "I didn''t know what I was doing"

cu became abusive and was warned several times to cease or the call would be disconnected. call was eventually disconnected.

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Saturday, December 24th, 2005
10:41 am - This is the kind of bullshit I have to deal with at work...
Fortunately, I didn't have to take this call. But these are actual case notes from one of our customers this morning. All this because you want capital letters? Give me a fucking break.

-cu at agreement page, cu agreed, box 2, creating user/pass...cu wants to have username in uppercase and that''s not possible as it will autodefault all usernames to lower case, which was verified through sts

*name removed* took escalation: customer continually told me to fire the agent he was talking to. I explained there was nothing that could be done in this particular situation and I apologised.

Customer demanded to talk to the owner of yahoo. pointed cu to yahoo site for that particular person, but explained if he wanted to talk to the top person in this situation that the best i could do is get him in contact with the director of the callcenter. Cu told me to go to hell and kept asking if i knew who he was. I said I didn''t. He said don''t you watch the *explitive* news. I said know. He said he was the *explitive* [white queen??? may have misheard this].

I apologized and said we can''t change the entire system that SBC yahoo runs on in order to accommodate putting a username into uppercase. She told me to go to hell and that she wants me to burn in hell and "*explitive* you."

I told her that that was inappropriate phone conversation and asked if i could do anything else to help. cu disconnected.

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Friday, December 23rd, 2005
7:07 am - Family
Ya' know... it's been a long time since I had a real sense of family. Mean, there's my parents, of course. And Will & Eric have been around for quite a while. But I guess it's just that I've been away from all my cousins and aunts and uncles that I kinda forgot what it feels like to be with family.

Last night I went over to my dad's place. Will and Eric are up from the U for the semester break, and Eric's girlfriend Mandy was over. It was the 6 of us all watching movies and just having a nice, low-key time. But for some reason,... I dunno. For me, at least, it was just really nice. Having all of us together doesn't happen all that often, and I realized how much I love them all (except Mandy, because I don't really know her, but she seemed very nice).

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night up there. I always felt a stronger pull to my mother's side of the family as a kid, but there's none of that here. There's a new family, and I'm really glad to be a part of it. This christmas is low on funds and gifting, but I'm still very excited for it.

Also, I'm sick and at work. It sucks. Don't get sick.

Also, I finally squared away everything with the conservatory. w00t w00t for me being sexy.

current mood: sick

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